YOU.

You lied, I believed.
You lied about everything, when I only gave you truth.
But I locked my lips, for your sake.
You, the person whose words I believed so blindly, as everything felt real.
You, said you loved me when you were drunk. A drunkard can lie too?
Well, now I know.
Little did I know, I’d fall in love with a liar.

You, made me realize, my life is worth much more than you.
You, the person who made me feel less concerned about my past, but later made me realize that people who accept my past only use it against me.
Now I know, you aren’t worth my time.
My time is now all mine and not yours. I deserve much more. Not you.
You, yes you, deserve a place in hell.
But I won’t pray for a place in hell for you,
Then what would be the difference between me and you?
You, lied to so many innocents just like me and ruined them. Should have believed them. Should I have not? You tell me!
For someone whom I trusted with all my mind, body and soul.
You played with my mind, lingered around my body, dug into my soul only where I got lost.

You, swore on the person who kept you in her for months, who took the pain to give you life; you used her as a weapon to lie to the rest of the world. Is it so little that you love her?
You, do you even realize how selfish you are? Never met a coward like you. One who destroys fairy tales for his own thirst.

The only mistake I did was to give love another chance with a person like you.

You, deserve the best in life. I hope you remember me; hate me for the things I never did.

I should be thanking you as is it you who taught me that self worth is more important than someone who was with me for just a couple of days.
You are just another lesson that I am going to remember whenever I walk.
Learnt to appreciate the good and the worst.
Thank YOU.

It’s not you; it’s him.

I’m a hopeless romantic. I always have been one. I thought of having a perfect love story like they show it in Bollywood movies even though I hate Bollywood movies but who can’t resist those romantic catchy dialogue which SRK says which woos the girl? I thought I had one. But I did not. Only lucky girls get that. I’m not lucky. Many of us aren’t. Some do get after being hurt so much and finally your faith has spoken.

I don’t know why I’m writing this. Maybe I want to tell someone whom my ex is currently in a relationship that no matter how hard you try, it’s not going to work out. I’m sorry but it’s the way it is. I’ve been through it and you’re going through it too.

I’ve always thought of telling you this, but I wanted you to learn it on your own because I was never given a warning letter so I thought why I should? But I had a soft corner, I so wanted to tell you this. I so wanted to help you. I asked so many people this question. They said no. the situation may be like as if I wanted to mess your relationship because it never worked out between me and him. So I thought it would be better if you figured it out yourself. You can think of me as a bitch or whatever, but I’m not.

I’m a girl, I know how things go between two girls when they like the same guy. But now, I want you to learn things.
He isn’t going to call you! You will have to. He isn’t going to wait for you, you’re going to wait for him. That’s what I did. I wondered if I was the only one in relationship. He never cared if I waited for him. He promised me he would call. I kept waiting for his call. I called him after I lost my patience. He gave me the excuse of him forgetting or caught up with work. Yeah right, as if I didn’t have work of my own right? But I still called; kept forgiving him. I kept waiting for him when he was always late. I don’t like waiting for people. But I still waited. I was stubborn, but I kept it aside just for him. Why? Just because I loved him and never wanted to lose him. I never did.
You know which relationship lasts longer? When efforts are from both ends.

The one who gives a 100% think that they aren’t even giving 10%. But it’s not like what you think. You had given your best; it’s just that they never appreciated your efforts that made you feel like you had never even tried. Never even have that thought. I had given my 100% even after we were not together.
I was so broken, so hurt, so weak during the 4 months with him. I thought I was strong and independent girl. People loved me because I was crazy and different. But now what?
When we were mere friends and I acted crazy, he would be cool with it, but after getting to be together, he couldn’t tolerate it.
He told me to stop. Stop what? Being myself? That’s what people loved about me, and he did too. That’s what he said in the beginning. So did he really wanted me or did he want someone who would listen to him?

After the break up, I still wanted him. I tried changing myself by telling that I wanted to it for me, for my own good. But it wasn’t, it was for him! He didn’t stop pointing out my flaws. I thought I wasn’t good enough, I couldn’t take it. I kept hurting myself. I have a scar. I still look at it now. It reminds me not to change. It reminds me to love myself. It’s the most valuable thing to love yourself.

I feel stupid for being with him. I had to change myself because he didn’t like most of the things I do. Not some, ‘most’. Aren’t those the things which made him like you? Then why did he tell me to change/.I was foolish enough to change for him. While in the process of changing myself,  I didn’t feel happy. Not even a bit. I tried telling myself I was, but it was just a lie. I questioned myself why I am doing this, for whom? I didn’t say it’s for me. My hearts said it’s for me, it’s for him so he likes me. I wasn’t happy. I didn’t care if I was happy or not, because I loved him and I wanted him to be happy. Why do we do this? I would suggest if you aren’t happy changing yourself, then never do it. I have changed after the break up. I’m happy with this change. It made me mature and look into life differently. I can’t express how happy I am. I thank my ex to make me who I am right now. I think everyone should have at least one bad relationship so that they understand what love is actually.

I have so much to say but I wouldn’t want to bore anyone. I know I’m right now. I just want to tell you, don’t hurt yourself. If you’re unhappy, then just leave. I know you don’t want to talk to me so I’m writing this. It would help someone else if not you.

So girl, or anyone else who is reading this, don’t be madly in love that you hurt yourself. I have done this a million times where I was hurt. But this relationship had made me a different person who is never going to be hurt again and will never let anyone hurt me. I’m glad it happened.

When friends get into a relationship?

So lately I’m in depression. Well, it sucks when people get into a depression. It’s either the girl’s menstrual cycle or a break or even maybe if all of a sudden your favourite dress or a pair of wedges got torn or broken. For me, it’s the third reason. I am totally a shopaholic. And for guys? I’m not sure, because I’m really not a guy  to know that for sure.

So who cares if I’m Single? Yeah, I’m whining for not having a boyfriend, well, maybe it is because it sucks when all of your friends are in a relationship or will get into one SOON.
Being single is better than getting mingled. I’m trying to not whine about being single, but I too need romance in my freaking boring life to spice it up a little, don’t I?

So initially, I was supposed to start talking about how friends start ignoring you after getting into a relationship. So I generally advice my friends not to get into a relationship because it would most probably bring complications in both of our lives by a) She’ll start ignoring, or either b) she’ll keep telling me about her boyfriend and her love life and I would be go like to her, ‘Oh, congrats, I’m so happy for you, last long, seems like you got your future husband’ , but actually I behave like this after knowing about how their life is so called ‘perfect’. I take my phone with me somewhere quiet and dark, take  1 litre of bottle filled with water  and drink as if it’s  beer, well, I have to drink something? And since I’m underage and not allowed to drink something which contains any type of ‘alcohol’, I pretend that the water is my ‘Sadness erasing weapon’, and of course, play backstreet boys’, ‘Show me the meaning of being lonely?’ to give it a touch. And I’m writing this just to work on my writing skills, boards in just a week, so need to practice and math is really sucking the life out of my boobs.
 
So, my dear girlfriends understand my pain of being lonely and single, will you? Shower me the blessings of being someone, no, not a girl, I need a freaking boy, I’m bored of girl love. I’m freaking not loved by an opposite gender! So PUH-LEASE, do me a favour and stop getting hyped up whenever I ask you :- Dude, how is your love life?
Just answer, ‘I’m happy’, it hurts less for me. Yeah, I’m being a bit of a bitch and selfish, but HELLO, nobody likes me, can’t help me being ugly.

And, and the main reason I don’t like when my friends get into relationships is that THEY TAKE THEIR BOYFRIEND’S SIDE IF HIM AND I GET INTO A FREAKING ARGUMENT. Well, my fault for cracking a lameass joke, but come one, it’s a JOKE you guys, don’t have to get angry, you know? Hey, but you must say I am funny (self praising time). Yeah man, I’m so funny that I make people laugh out loud rolling on the floor (Okay, done now).
This shows how much a friend cares about their friendship  which was more than years who has always been there for you in every path, every argument, every sadness, every happiness. But when you end up in a love relationship, a person who is been just few days of your life… okay, too emotional, I don’t like emotional stuffs, come, lets laugh, HAHAHEHEHEHUEHUE! I swear, how I’m put to all these years when friends ditch you for their boy friend. I am so not going to be like them, not at all. I’ll always consider my friends my first priority.
But I must say, there are people who balance both their love life and friendship in a manner where they don’t create complications and one of that people is a friend who has been there with for for over 4 years. As I mentioned earlier, I crack my lameass jokes which  hurt people indirectly, I crack jokes with her boyfriend too, he understand as he gets my jokes and I actually don’t mean to hurt anyone in anyway. So I consider him one of the best boyfriends any of my friends got. Usually, MOST of my friend are like that, but it’s just that she is different, she can differentiate what is a friend and what is a boyfriend. She is a sweetheart and well, her boyfriend is a fuckface to be honest.

So I can end it off with that maybe, it doesn’t depend if you are in a relationship or not, it just depends on how the person is and how he or she’ll take the situation in her hand. But some people give love more importance, bleh, I don’t know what to say or do about them. They be a bitch, I’ll just be a bitch back. I can’t really help it. I actually felt happy that these two people so understanding towards me., they actually make me feel special to have them together as one.

Oh, and the surprise is…. HAPPY BELATED 2^nd MONTHIE! Yes, BELATED I said and I know I’m an asshole, so fuck off you Gaylord boyfriend of my friend.